NBA Playoff Haterade 2024: Ranked by Who I Want to Win the Finals the Least

Tier 1: Those Guys

Boston Celtics

  • Ranking: 1

Because: fuck the Celtics.

Los Angeles Clippers

  • Ranking: 2

Harden, Westbrook, Kawhi? Haterade heaven.

Phoenix Suns

  • Ranking: 3

While I always love KD, you’ve got Booker, as well as the must punchable big men in the league in Nurkic and Eubanks. This message brought to you by the Draymond/Beef Stew Anti-Defamation League.

Tier 2: I Think I Still Hate them

New York Knicks

  • Ranking: 4

You’d think I’d like the gritty underdog Jalen Brunson story, and while he is phenomenal (boy howdy), they get away with MURDER under the guise of “hard-nosed Knicks basketball”. See: DiVincenzo tackling Ausar to steal the game

Miami Heat

  • Ranking: 5

I got your Heat culture right here, right over this shark

Tier 3: I Would Spend More Time Thinking About It But There’s No Chance

Cleveland Cavs

  • Ranking: 6

What I said last year:
Donovan Mitchell is amazing, can it translate to some titles? I’m not exactly a Mobley-hater, but still definitely a Cade-believer.

Orlando Magic

  • Ranking: 7

You think I would like them more with Mo Wagner on the team, but now he’s only someone you like if he’s on your team.

New Orleans Pelicans

  • Ranking: 8

No Zion no chance

Tier 4: Sure I Guess Why Not

Oklahoma City Thunder

  • Ranking: 9
    • Maybe some jealousy here, how can they be so good so young?
    • Shai is amazeballs

Indiana Pacers

  • Ranking: 10

I love Tyrese Halliburton but all I can see is the draft pick that instead became the ghost of Killian Hayes

Dallas Mavericks

  • Ranking: 11
    • Luka is amazing
    • While I still can’t stand Kyrie he’s been behaving

Minnesota Timberwolves

  • Ranking: 12
    • KAT and Gobert are just laughable in different ways
    • But ANT is out TO DESTROY YOU

Philadelphia 76ers

  • Ranking: 13
    • I can’t believe I have them this high but Embiid is a monster (when healthy)
    • I love Tyrese Maxey, who is I want Jaden Ivey to grow up to be

Tier 6: As Mike Breen Says, “BANG! BANG!”

Denver Nuggets

  • Ranking: 14

Jokic is so solid it’s ridiculous

Milwaukee Bucks

  • Ranking: 15

Another for Giannis who’s been outstanding all year, and one for Dame Time?

Los Angeles Lakers

  • Ranking: 16

Father Time is undefeated. But what if LEBRON IS FATHER TIME?